Insanity letter to me -insanity?

Hello humans,

Since I started writing here and admitting obsessive thoughts and feelings I started feeling a little better than before. That insanity feeling that I had about a month ago is gone.

Talking with my friends and family made me realise that those feelings were normal because it’s not just me feeling the world is going to collapse on top of my head. There are so many people out there that have the anxiety and these strange times.

I would like to say that you are not alone feeling insane all the time and have those feelings. Also, would like to make sure that you know it is ok to feel insane. we are humans and we are entitled to not feeling okay all the time, absolutely normal not to feel happy and cheery there are other feelings that exist not just positive but we have negative we need to accept them as they are because this is what makes assume even if that sometimes represents us as insane.

Please free to share your insane moments with me because we’re always in this together, in these unsettling times and it’s good to stick together all of us insane people.

Insanity letters to myself -Letter 2, you dropped something

Dear me,

I thought this was a funny meme, because I am going through this everyday and it doesn’t have to be shark week time.

I would like to say that women are so strong pulling the emotion together when we are out there in the world and trying to prove to everybody that everything is fine and we don’t need any help. But behind closed doors we can drop a spoon lets say and ball our eyes out.

For one today , I was super productive and around an hour ago I went to make some coffee for me and after I finished dI went to put the machine away and as I was putting down were it belongs I dropped it with full tank of water. I splashed water all over the wall and carpet with some speckles of coffee. I lost it! I cried like a baby while was trying to clean the floor and wall before it had any damage.

Often, people call women insane for crying too easily but in all reality we bottle so much and then boom the crying gates are open. I often hear the world crazy, too emotional just suck it up and move on. I don’t want to move on.

I WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY FEELINGS. Yes, I know I am yelling , but I do want to say that it’s ok not feel good all the time and please take time to cry because without those feeling you probably be a psychopath or a sociopath ready to conquer the world.

So cry, let’s cry together because life is sad sometimes and crying for that dropped spoon gets you through the day, month , year fighting to get want you want(pregnancy, promotion saving that money for a big travel whatever it is ) then do it.

Stay strong together, cry together, laugh together with my stupid speeches.

Making Contracts with yourself

OUR FIRST EPISODE OF OUR PODCAST

Source: Making Contracts with yourself

Punish Thyself/trick thyself to happiness

Hello lifers,

The title seems a little ominous but don’t ya worry it’s a bit more positive than it sounds. or it?

This post is about self discovery and revelation of thyself and really thinking hard about what kind of punishment there is to give to myself where I am not harming me.

I guess it sounds negative, but my mind often want to fuck out on me. My mind wants to give up and it’s so easy to say I give up, but I don’t want to go there again. I am fighting with my brain to slow down and relax; can it relax? No, I always have to be doing the next big thing always moving forward, always working too much and then shutting myself down from the loved ones.

Honestly, I was having a serious conversation with myself and I was saying I want to punish you for being like this. I want to punish you by working out and going out with friends and I want you to know that we should stop giving a fuck about others. Is this punishment? probably not; it’s a more proactive way to get away from that negative space in my head and include my clan around me.

I do want to punish myself though I often think about it and I am sad and the only way I know to punish myself so my mind stops being so full on is to work out. On the workout I hate myself but afterwards I am riding cloud nine. So yeah punish yourself by taking care of yourself. oxymoron I know , but in my head I am full-filling two things I need.

so maybe trick thyself to goodness.

What you do when you are down?

Why I love New Zealand(poem?)

New Zealand doesn’t have fancy coffee shops

or fancy restaurants

or fancy hotels

New Zealand have people that go out  walk and talk

Smiles flying around from grown-ups, kids, and animals

emotions that have the full spectrum.

New Zealand that accepts all body types and mental illness

because you New Zealand are cool as.

 

Hello, people of the world,

that was the lamest poem, I was going for a spoken poem I don’t think I did it.

Anyway, going back to Greece for a few months and in Japan, for my Honeymoon, I saw little to no emotions.

In the first situation, I noticed so many people were angry and is understandable about the situation is going on at the moment. People were trying to pick a fight with everybody, nobody was smiling, eveyone was grumpy. And In japan no emotion in their faces at all. Just kept to themselves and looking at their phones. It was quite sad really, because they looked so lonely.

I am not here to judge, but merely saying what I saw. After my trip I came to New Zealand my home now and I had a walk down the street, I saw people walking and smiling, looking at my face and smilling back, saying goodmorning and i saw a lady being misarable and it was ok because yussss finally some emotions out there. Why do we have to be those people that show no emotion? I don’t find that strong I find weak.

So let’s keep the emotion rolling.

I hope you liked my rant/motivation of emotion rolling.

the survival instict

you often ask yourself how the hell do people live like that? how do they survive?

when common logic is thrown out of the window you suddenly realize how dangerous is life.

being reckless is no fun! and certainly is no joke when you toying with someone else life. you wonder why people act the way they do? I know people suffer from their own problems but have the decency to be careful while you drive.

The past few days I saw so many people going against the law and being dangerous not only for themselves and others.

You wonder if these people survive base on the survival instinct alone?

I mean the only behavior can come close are animalistic behavior but even then animals are more civilized than some humans.

I feel shaken by peoples driving here because there is no law that they uphold and when those people go to a country that the law is enforced they get a shock and blame the people that they are sheep and don’t live a little!

How dare they! If I wanted a dateline rush I will do skydiving but I will not put myself and others in danger of reckless driving. Because truly that action is selfish.

 

Ok, Rant over! Let me know though your thoughts! love to hear them!

What this chapter of your is called?

Hello Humans,

 

My chapter hmm, I think I am going to call it

EAT, READ,  EXPENSIVE AND REPEAT

First of all, pizza has become my boyfriend, you guys! I am obsessed, so I am forcing myself to go on a “challenge” otherwise my diet consists of potatoes, pizza, tahini and salad and it’s not healthy.

Read? Hello!!!! I am banned to buy more books because my TBR pile is out of hand like jeez. Don’t worry I put my books on Kindle here so we can be obsessive buddies together.

Fugitive magic (currently reading)

Kitsune: A Little Mermaid Retelling (free goodie cause I don’t like spending too much money)

A Mortal Song

I only linked three because ya guys you be reading for ages plus That’s How I am going to read this books! If you want me to list more books comment below and I will make a new post.

Expensive da with paying my bills and buying books and takeaways it is not cheap.

Repeat obviously the cycle never ends.

Whats your chapter?

Since I have been gone

Hello Humans,

 

How you been? I bet you guys forgot that I existed because of not being present here!

How am I?

I don’t know, I feel lost, stressed, overwhelmed so many projects, not enough time!

I missed writing here, but every time I attempt to write I give up. I have named it boredom, but is it?

Lately, I have this overbearing feeling that I want to hide from humanity my responsibilities, run away from my life and lock myself in a remote island so I can get the projects that I want done.

Project 1#

Finish my bloody kid’s book it is almost done the story is so cute but I can’t find an ending to it.

Project 2#

Finish my poetry book, I have written so far 34 poems I wanted to reach 100, but not nothing. Also adding to that I decided to do photos accompanying the poems.

Project 3#

Continue writing my novel, at the start of the year it was going so well, but I have been stuck with it for a long time. It is not writer’s block because ya guys I haven’t opened the document over 5 months.

Project 4#

It’s an art project, I know the concept, I  haven’t gotten into to actually trying it.

Project 5#

I am on process creating it but I feel scared. Sorry, can’t say too much only a few people know about it.

Also, I am trying to make my book blog bigger you can go check it out My Trending Books

Did I mention that I work full time as well?

I guess the only advice that I can give myself and other people in this situation is take it slowly prioritize and take it step by step. So for once, I am taking my advice!

Big steps for me here… not making my schedule packed, but doing it slowly.

Comment below how is your style of doing thing when your schedule is packed?

 

 

The baggage

The happy life we meant to have! 

happy is the new black

No feel no emotions other than happiness

Hello humans,

those are some examples that society wants us to be.

Human beings are getting better to express their feelings and mental problems. I am one of them. what’s my baggage?

what’s my baggage?

The need to achieve the best and pack as much as I can to my schedule and I want to “succeed” in life.

you might say it’s healthy to have those goals! but not when you can’t sleep at night because you feel you failed at what you do. You might say I am a workaholic because when I am not working I am on the next project, cleaning, writing, reading, going out.

All those things there are not bad, but I have been in a burnt out phase and my anxiety has peaked levels. The only way I used to manage all of this was by binge eating. I can’t do that anymore because I am being “good” with food and my body so my credit card suffers from it. Shopping doesn’t fill the wholeness and the overwhelming feeling that I have everyday.

So what do I do?

So what do you do?(if you are having this problem or worse)

For me, I take a step back cut the yuckiness out of my life, the baggage of the society, that wants us perfect beings. I am not perfect neither I want to be! I just want to succeed in life!

I feel already successful when I cut the bullshit of wanting more with my life.

I might have a degree and I might be a struggling artist that works as a barista to get by, but I couldn’t be happier because all the beautiful human beings surrounding my life.

I still try to juggle the balance of the life I want to have and the life my parents want me to have. At the end of the day, I want to be happy, sad, angry, silly, and not be judged by it because is not appropriate for my age. Who gives a shit! You are living your life not the person that’s telling you that you are not doing this accordingly by the book.

 

So people cut the garbage out of your life or don’t! I learned how to live with it but now I am learning to live without it.

 

 

 

A Hairdresser and a Psychologist

Hi everybody,

 

Before you start reading, I would like to say this is my theory you might feel different, but this is how I view it.

 

I always find difficult to trust psychologists and hairdressers. They hold so much power.

The psychologists hold power to help you heal from within, and the hairdresser helps you improve from the outside. I mean imagine if you had the worst scenario in both situations you end crazier than before with bad hair to top it up. You can’t hide either of them.

Imagine if you had a good hairdresser and a psychologist then you shine like a diamond even if you not there yet mentally.

 

So I am here to warn you to choose wisely because with many options comes great responsibility for yourself.

Stay awesome people.

 

Ps. I had so many bad haircuts in my life that now when I find a good hairdresser I treat her like a queen they are a rare species.