Insanity letter to me -insanity?

Hello humans,

Since I started writing here and admitting obsessive thoughts and feelings I started feeling a little better than before. That insanity feeling that I had about a month ago is gone.

Talking with my friends and family made me realise that those feelings were normal because it’s not just me feeling the world is going to collapse on top of my head. There are so many people out there that have the anxiety and these strange times.

I would like to say that you are not alone feeling insane all the time and have those feelings. Also, would like to make sure that you know it is ok to feel insane. we are humans and we are entitled to not feeling okay all the time, absolutely normal not to feel happy and cheery there are other feelings that exist not just positive but we have negative we need to accept them as they are because this is what makes assume even if that sometimes represents us as insane.

Please free to share your insane moments with me because we’re always in this together, in these unsettling times and it’s good to stick together all of us insane people.

Insanity letters to myself Letter 1-Happy monsterating

Dear me,

The insanity of wanting something so much and then not getting it is heartbreaking.

Let me back up first so everybody get a context of what I am talking about. Motherhood, at some point a lot of women wants to be mothers, but not all are lucky enough to get pregnant straight away or not at all some times. Some have it experienced it and be heart broken each month when you see that all the symptoms you were having and thinking you were pregnant is just a bad case of the worst PMS of history again.

I am one of those women. I am not disappointed that I entered my shark week , but the anxiety of am or am I not before is ever wrecking. I talked about it too much with strangers that know me and I feel the pity in their eyes and the phrase “it will happen don’t worry”, it makes it all of a more heartbreaking.

So instead of going to a professional as I would normally do . I decided to write letters to myself of my feelings and weird psychological things I put myself to. Probably I am the most mondane person there is, but writing about it always helped me me more than talking it about it.

So here I am telling you sometimes monsterating is disappointing because you are not pregnant, but simply preparing for a new cycle.

I hope by writing those letters I would give a little lightness to the situation of trying to conceive and people will laugh, cry and be excited with me and maybe share your stories with me so we be in this together.

How to take care of yourself! (Humour)

Hello lifers,

In this post you will find a way to take care of yourself!

Step 1:

Congratulations, you did it! You done the first step of taking care of yourself, by looking how too, rest assured there is nothing else to do. Kidding keep reading.

Step 2:

Find someone like me that has no clue either how to take care of herself so you can go all together in blind and figure it out.

Step 3:

If I haven’t lost you as a reader then , hello my friend we reached into one of the most important steps. Master the face of zero fucks. Once you master the face your brain will catch up with the idea sooner or later and then you will give zero fucks. Literally about anything. Trust me, it is important. I found that by not caring about other people liberates you for the social structure to please assholes!

Step 4:

Now that the burden of pleasing others is gone, you can move deeper into the level of self-care. Trust me, I have no idea what I am talking to about but do it, it will work. Alright step 4 make sure you have schedule or perseverance. Why? Because sometimes taking care of yourself doesn’t come easily so you need to make an appointment with yourself or tell yourself to fuck off when your mind tries to convince you to hide under the table.

Step 5:

Self care doesn’t only consist scheduling the time but actually doing the nitty gritty work of feeling like shit and coming through it! I know so basic but let me tell you taking vitamins and eating salads wont change the feeling you got in your head. Self care comes from the mind, heart and body. So, going for walks in nature, calling your friends for support, yelling at the world yes I have a problem and it’s ok because really, it is ok.

Step 6:

Now you admitted to yourself that you are not ok and you need to do something about it. you read this ridiculous post, involved your friends and family, joined the gym start eating healthy all the above of self care. You just need one thing to succeed. Dedication. Everyday you think you can’t do it. look yourself in the mirror and say you are a magnificent beast and you can do this by only keeping at it.

I know this post is more humour than anything else but I would like to say that I am doing the things and I said there and I am succeeding in my goals, slowly but I am doing it for me.

So get out and do it!

Books and sequels!

Hello lifers,

I am here to bring up a serious matter books! You know when the book is good and you wanna finish it but at the same time not because it’s gonna end. Especially when the second book come in a few months. I mean come authors don’t do this to us. Us peasants want to read all of the series in one go. We know it is our mistake to read books that series haven’t finished yet , but still we gonna blame you that you are not releasing the books fast enough.

Am I being unreasonable? That would be Yes! Do I care? Nope!

Seriously though it is so rare for me now to read books that simply blow my mind and get my heart all beating fast. I don’t love cliffhanger but this book didn’t even finish in a big cliffhanger seriously I could have said meh don’t care , but the way it was written just broke my heart reading the last sentence.

I need an army of angry readers to come and comfort me in the same problem! I have big book hang over can’t decide if I want to read it again or push through with more books.

HELP!

Why I love New Zealand(poem?)

New Zealand doesn’t have fancy coffee shops

or fancy restaurants

or fancy hotels

New Zealand have people that go out  walk and talk

Smiles flying around from grown-ups, kids, and animals

emotions that have the full spectrum.

New Zealand that accepts all body types and mental illness

because you New Zealand are cool as.

 

Hello, people of the world,

that was the lamest poem, I was going for a spoken poem I don’t think I did it.

Anyway, going back to Greece for a few months and in Japan, for my Honeymoon, I saw little to no emotions.

In the first situation, I noticed so many people were angry and is understandable about the situation is going on at the moment. People were trying to pick a fight with everybody, nobody was smiling, eveyone was grumpy. And In japan no emotion in their faces at all. Just kept to themselves and looking at their phones. It was quite sad really, because they looked so lonely.

I am not here to judge, but merely saying what I saw. After my trip I came to New Zealand my home now and I had a walk down the street, I saw people walking and smiling, looking at my face and smilling back, saying goodmorning and i saw a lady being misarable and it was ok because yussss finally some emotions out there. Why do we have to be those people that show no emotion? I don’t find that strong I find weak.

So let’s keep the emotion rolling.

I hope you liked my rant/motivation of emotion rolling.

Glorious Life-Goodbuy 2017 Hello 2018

Hello Humans,

 

I am back!

Will I be here often now that is 2018?

probably not who am I kidding life is getting busy moving forward and sweeping me on the way… I am having a sweet ride… 2017 has been a learning curve for me I got engaged, I learned to stick for myself and in the process, I got an awesome job and comes with an awesome boss and awesome workplace… Rare I know it, I got lucky…

2017 also taught me that taking a break it is ok because taking care of yourself and taking a step back actually saves you from burnouts and failures. Studies mental health and addiction I learned there that maybe is not something I wanna do right now and guess what it is ok!

2017 also gave me confidence and awesome people surrounded me and gave lessons that I will carry with me forever Shout out to me Gallery curator Megan that believes in my art and continues to teach basic stuff and sell my work 🙂 thank you so much…

To my partner that made sure my work was looking perfect and to my friends that stuck with me in difficult times and easy times. To my amazing family that helped me overcome difficulties and believed in me:).

To the new people that joined my life and my gang keeps growing and becoming awesome. I am filled with love and happiness… I know cheesy as hell my goodbye to 2017 it was a difficult year, with learning curves awesome people and happiness; no need to focus on negative it was small very very small.

I hope my 2018 is as great as my 2017 I am going to rock this year not with new years resolutions, but with my new year intentions. Because I intended to rock my world with glitter and the things I want in my life …

I hope your 2018 will be as awesome as I will aim mine to be!

See you next time unpredictable lifers.

 

Tattoo’s, anxiety and life

Hello humans,

I am always active for a while and then I disappear. Well, I am proudly here to announce that I am part of the tattooed gang!   Yay! I don’t know how I managed to get it but go through it because I got a hand poked one!

The experience was amazing. I am still thinking to myself how did I manage to actually do it! So proud of myself.  Here is a bad photo I took!

 

I never realised that my anxiety can affect my body so much! It is so hard to control it. I have managed to control it, in a way it doesn’t show to the world, but my body takes the punish. So it is time to start letting go and taking care of myself.

And life? I think she’s ok! I am we haven’t caught in a while with her for a coffee!

JOKES,

I am happy to say that the things are getting better and falling into place. For one thing, I just had my first author contact me and asked me to review their book! I am so proud of my hard work and finally someone liking it and asking me to review their book!

I am sure I will come inspired tomorrow with another post, but now this is it!

Mr.Sparkles is out! ( sparkles is a he yes even if I am a she)

 

 

Your Last Chapter

Hello Humans,

I found this, in one of the book groups, I am in. I thought to myself, would I?

I mean I would hope my life is awesome I am planning to be. If my life was epic I would want to read the end experience and say no way! If this is how I am going down then pat on the shoulder.

If though my life is going boring and not interesting I still want to know so I can re-write my stupid self for letting down my dreams and hopes.

Like HELLO, we live one life better make it count, the good and the bad. In fact, I want to be the writer of this book because I know the best way to go down!

Morbid? maybe but definitely not giving up.

 

What this chapter of your is called?

Hello Humans,

 

My chapter hmm, I think I am going to call it

EAT, READ,  EXPENSIVE AND REPEAT

First of all, pizza has become my boyfriend, you guys! I am obsessed, so I am forcing myself to go on a “challenge” otherwise my diet consists of potatoes, pizza, tahini and salad and it’s not healthy.

Read? Hello!!!! I am banned to buy more books because my TBR pile is out of hand like jeez. Don’t worry I put my books on Kindle here so we can be obsessive buddies together.

Fugitive magic (currently reading)

Kitsune: A Little Mermaid Retelling (free goodie cause I don’t like spending too much money)

A Mortal Song

I only linked three because ya guys you be reading for ages plus That’s How I am going to read this books! If you want me to list more books comment below and I will make a new post.

Expensive da with paying my bills and buying books and takeaways it is not cheap.

Repeat obviously the cycle never ends.

Whats your chapter?

The baggage

The happy life we meant to have! 

happy is the new black

No feel no emotions other than happiness

Hello humans,

those are some examples that society wants us to be.

Human beings are getting better to express their feelings and mental problems. I am one of them. what’s my baggage?

what’s my baggage?

The need to achieve the best and pack as much as I can to my schedule and I want to “succeed” in life.

you might say it’s healthy to have those goals! but not when you can’t sleep at night because you feel you failed at what you do. You might say I am a workaholic because when I am not working I am on the next project, cleaning, writing, reading, going out.

All those things there are not bad, but I have been in a burnt out phase and my anxiety has peaked levels. The only way I used to manage all of this was by binge eating. I can’t do that anymore because I am being “good” with food and my body so my credit card suffers from it. Shopping doesn’t fill the wholeness and the overwhelming feeling that I have everyday.

So what do I do?

So what do you do?(if you are having this problem or worse)

For me, I take a step back cut the yuckiness out of my life, the baggage of the society, that wants us perfect beings. I am not perfect neither I want to be! I just want to succeed in life!

I feel already successful when I cut the bullshit of wanting more with my life.

I might have a degree and I might be a struggling artist that works as a barista to get by, but I couldn’t be happier because all the beautiful human beings surrounding my life.

I still try to juggle the balance of the life I want to have and the life my parents want me to have. At the end of the day, I want to be happy, sad, angry, silly, and not be judged by it because is not appropriate for my age. Who gives a shit! You are living your life not the person that’s telling you that you are not doing this accordingly by the book.

 

So people cut the garbage out of your life or don’t! I learned how to live with it but now I am learning to live without it.